Incubus Online: Buy One, Get One Free

I ordered an incubus online, but when the package arrived, there were two of them. One was gentle and obedient, the other was hot-tempered and unpredictable.

I immediately messaged customer service to ask if they'd sent the wrong one—I had only ordered the gentle kind.

The reply came cheerfully. "Congratulations, you've unlocked the hidden variant! This model is a bit special—buy one, get one free!"

Wait… what?

I remembered hearing people say that raising an incubus is like raising a puppy, only better—they keep you warm at night and don't shed. Well, if that's true, whether I had one or two made no difference.

So I ended up paying the price of one and getting two—what a steal!

Or so I thought… until I went to feed them. That's when I realized I was the cookie in the middle of a sandwich. Apparently, "keeping me warm at night" was a strenuous activity.

I was born with a naturally cold constitution. No matter how many blankets I pile on in winter, my hands and feet stay icy all night long.

Lately, incubi have become wildly popular online. They look human, have puppy-like personalities, can do housework, and—most importantly—can warm your bed.

With winter fast approaching, I decided to buy one and give it a try.

But incubi aren't like ordinary products. They're living beings. Once you buy one, you're responsible for it for life—you can't just use it and toss it aside. You have to take responsibility for a life.

So I was careful. Before making a purchase, I did plenty of research online and read the comments online.

[Raising an incubus is just like raising a puppy! As long as you spend time with him and treat him well, he'll be devoted to you forever!]

[Incubi are clingy and loyal like dogs—just wave your hand, and he'll come running, tail wagging. Isn't that way better than a boyfriend?]

[Ladies, just go for it with your eyes closed! I bought one, and I'm here to report back! As long as you keep your incubus well fed, you can have him do anything! The experience is AMAZING!]

[Friendly reminder: ladies with weaker bodies shouldn't buy high-powered incubi—you won't be able to handle it!]

[Agreed! Incubi have way too much stamina. I was young and ignorant and bought the enhanced plus version. I've been lying in bed for two days now, and I've finally learned my lesson.]

I was a little confused. High stamina… does that mean incubi, like dogs, need to be taken out for walks?

I kept scrolling.

[Incubi come in many personalities—passionate, aloof, sunny, gloomy, steady, sharp-tongued… You must choose one that suits you!]

[And returns and exchanges are a nightmare! Many incubi are non-refundable once signed for!]

After reading all these user reviews, I had a pretty good idea of what I was getting into.

Still, my budget was limited. I waited several days before finally catching a shop online offering a massive discount.

I checked their storefront, but