Ex-Husband's Regret

[I miss you already.] Ethan send me a message.

[Really? You miss me exactly or my little brother?] I playfully reply to him.

I bite my lips as I wait for his reply. I’ve never been this bold and it both terrified and excited me.

[Both? I’m hard from just thinking about how good you feel.]

[You are?] I loved that he was aroused because of me. Just from thinking of me.

[YES…Which is embarrassing given I’m in a squad car and I’m sure my partner noticed my reaction.]

I laugh at that. Unable to contain my happiness.

And this is the happiness that I have never felt with my ex-husband!

I get out of my car and slowly walk towards the mansion. My hands were trembling and my body was sweaty.

I still couldn’t believe that it was done. That I was finally divorced from him. The proof of that was currently in my handbag. I was here to bring the final papers to him and to pick Noah up.

Entering the house, I follow the sounds of hushed voices but stop in my tracks when I near the kitchen.

Right now I could hear them clearly and what I heard encased my soul in ice.

“I still don’t understand why you can’t live with me and mommy?” Noah asks his father.

My shaking hands go to my chest. My heart breaking at the sadness in his voice. I would do anything for him, but this divorce was inevitable.

Our marriage had been a mistake. Everything about us was a mistake. It just took me a while to see the truth.

“You know why Noah, you mother and I are no longer together” His voice is soft as he replies.

It’s weird really. That during the duration of our marriage he has never once spoken to me softly. It was always cold. Always flat and devoid of any emotion

“But why?”

“These things just happen” he mumbles.

I can imagine his face frowning. As he tries to make Noah understand so that he doesn’t ask any more questions. But Noah is my son. Curiosity and inquisition is in his blood.

“Don’t you love her?”

My breath gets caught at the simple heartfelt question. I take a step back and lean against the wall. Heart racing, I wait in anticipation for his answer.

I knew his answer. I’ve always known what it is. Everyone with the exception of Noah probably knows that answer.

The truth is he doesn’t love me. Never had and never will. That was as clear as day. Knowing this, I still wanted to hear his reply. Would he tell our son the truth or lie to him?

He clears his throat, obviously stalling. “Noah…”

“Dad, do you love mommy or not?” Noah asks again, his voice final.

I hear him sigh in defeat. “I love her for giving me you” he finally says.

It was a placation not an answer.

I close my eyes against the