Chapter 4
We moved to a neighborhood on the other side of the city, far removed from that place of nightmares. Yet, in the quiet of the night, I often woke up soaked with sweat, haunted by memories of that day.
Life was a blur until I met Rowen Ferguson. He was my new therapist, young and gentle, with eyes that seemed to peer into my very soul. On that day, it was pouring rain, and I had forgotten my umbrella, standing awkwardly at the clinic's entrance. As he wrapped up his work, he handed me a steaming cup of coffee and offered to walk me home. The raindrops tapped a soothing rhythm on the umbrella.
"Rain's pretty nice," he remarked, staring into the distance. "When it rains, everything gets a chance to start anew." It reminded me of something Atlas once said. I turned to look at him, and for a moment, his silhouette merged with Atlas’s in my mind. My heart started racing.
In the days that followed, I found myself often inviting him to go to the movies, grab dinner, and even orchestrate "accidental" meetings. I knew it was inappropriate, but I couldn't help it. I was desperate for someone to fill the void and chase away my fears, and Rowen was simply there at the right time.
My unusual behavior must have been obvious to Esther. One evening, when I got home late, I was surprised to find the living room light on. She was sitting on the couch, gazing at me with a serious expression.
"Mom..." I said, feeling guilty.
"You're in love, aren't you?" she asked directly.
I stayed silent. Since Atlas's passing, our conversations had dwindled, replaced by heavy, unbearable silences. I never imagined our first meaningful conversation in so long would begin like this.
Seeing my silence, Esther's face grew somber, and she stood, moving towards me. "Leave him! Don’t be with anyone. You can’t be with anyone!" Her face was contorted with fear and desperation.
Her sudden outburst shocked me. "Why? Tell me why?" Anger surged within me. "Atlas's death wasn't meant to prevent me from moving on, and now you want to stop me too, why?"
I stepped towards Esther. "What did that letter say? Tell me!" I shouted desperately, tears streaming uncontrollably down my cheeks. Esther's face went pale, and she stumbled backward, hitting the wall.
"You don’t understand..." she murmured. "You just don’t understand..."
"Then tell me!" I screamed, "Do I have to jump off a building like them for you to finally tell me the truth?"
She only shook her head. I sank to the floor in despair, looking at the elderly woman before me, her hair all white, feeling utterly powerless.
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