Steps of Desire

If someone asked me how the Caldwell house usually sounded, I'd say: quiet. The kind of quiet that feels expensive. The kind of quiet you're scared to mess up.

But that night, it felt like every echo carried Ryan's voice. Every footstep reminded me he had been in my room a few hours ago, saying things I probably wasn't supposed to hear from a stepbrother or anyone.

I paced around my room, trying to think about anything else; my classes, my job applications, what Sophie would yell at me if she knew, but everything circled back to Ryan.

The way he said "please.", the way he stood too close, and the way he warned me about Jake if it was personal. My nerves were fried.

I finally cracked my window to breathe real air but it didn't help. My chest still felt tight, like I had swallowed something sharp.

A text buzzed on my phone. SOPHIE: "U alive or did the rich people eat u?"

I snorted and texted back. ME: "Barely, I'll call later."

I didn't want to tell her anything yet. She'd scream, then laugh, then ask for photos. No thanks.

I tossed my phone on the bed then another knock. The kind of knock you give when you're not supposed to be there. I already knew.

"Ella," Ryan's voice came from behind the door. "Can I come in?"

"No," I said automatically. He opened the door anyway.

"You're unbelievable," I groaned, stepping back.

He shut the door behind him, leaning on it as he needed it to stay upright. His hair looked messed up, like he had been dragging his hands through it. His shirt sleeves were rolled up, exposing strong forearms I refused to look at for more than half a second.

"What do you want now?" I asked.

"To talk. Again."

"No."

"Too bad."

I let out a frustrated huff. "You can't just walk in here whenever you want."

He shrugged. "You left your door unlocked."

"That's not an invitation."

"It is to me," he muttered.

I stared at him, completely thrown. "You need boundaries," I said.

He nodded. "You're right."

He didn't move or leave. "So... are you gonna go?" I asked.

"No."

I dragged a hand down my face. "Why are you like this?"

He stepped forward, a slow steady movement that made the room shrink around me. "Because ignoring you isn't working."

My breath hitched, just a small one. I hated that he would probably notice. "I'm not a problem to fix, Ryan."

He shook his head. "You're not a problem, you are just..."

He didn't finish the sentence. I waited because I wanted to hear it. God, I hated that I wanted to hear it.

Instead, he walked past me and sat on the edge of my bed like he owned it. Like he owned the whole house and I was the one visiting. "You know you can't be in here," I said.

He leaned back on his hands. "Then lock the door next time."

The urge to throw a pillow at him nearly took me out. "You're impossible."

He gave a short laugh. "So are you."

There was a heaviness in the air again, but different this time. Less panic, more... tension. "So what do we do now?" I asked quietly.

He looked up at me. "We try not to ruin each other."

My voice came out small. "And if that doesn't work?"

"It won't." He said it like a guarantee, not a fear. I felt my stomach drop.

"You think this is funny?" I said.

"No." His voice shifted lower and realer. "I think you're driving me out of my damn mind."

I looked away because staring at him too long felt dangerous. "You started this," I muttered.

He scoffed. "You think you're innocent?"

"I didn't do anything!"

"You exist," he said simply.

That shut me up. He ran a hand over his face. "Look, today in the car...."

"Don't start," I cut in.

"I have to."

"No, you really don't."

"Yes, I do, because you keep acting like it didn't mean something."

"It didn't!" I lied.

He stood there without saying anything for some time then he walked right up to me, too close again. Close enough for my heart to betray me and thump loud enough I prayed he couldn't hear it.

"Say it again," he whispered.

"It didn't," I said weaker this time.

He tilted his head, studying me. "Liar."

I swallowed so hard it hurt. "You don't get to talk to me like that."

"I only talk to you like this," he said, "because you talk back."

I felt heat crawl up my neck. "Stop staring at me."

"Then stop looking at me like that."

I blinked. "Like what?"

"Like you're waiting for me to do something stupid."

My whole body froze. "I'm not," I whispered.

He leaned closer, not touching but just close enough to feel the warmth of him. "Then why are you shaking?"

I cursed under my breath. "I'm not."

"You are."

I shoved his chest lightly. "Get out of my room, Ryan."

He didn't move, not even a sway. Just a small, amused exhale.

"Make me."

That did something to me I refused to name. I stepped back before I did something else stupid. He finally straightened. "Look, I didn't come to mess with you."

"That's literally all you do."

He ignored that. "I came because I think you need to hear something."

My chest tightened. "What?"

He hesitated, rare for him, then said, "Jake asked about you today."

I blinked. "Okay? And?"

"And I didn't like it."

I stared. "You can't be jealous, you don't get to be jealous."

He shrugged one shoulder. "I am anyway."

"You're unbelievable."

"Good."

"I'm serious, Ryan."

"So am I."

I groaned. "You're not my boyfriend, you are not even supposed to talk to me like....."

He stepped in again, but this time he didn't get too close. Just enough for me to feel the tension tighten a little.

"I don't want him near you," he said simply.

"Well, too bad," I snapped. "It's my life."

His jaw clenched. "Ella!!"

"No," I cut in. "You don't get to stand here and decide things for me."

His eyes flicked away like he was frustrated. "I'm trying to look out for you."

"You're trying to control me."

"Same thing."

"No, it's not."

He exhaled sharply. "Why do you always have to argue with me?"

"Because you're not listening!"

He dragged his hand through his hair again. "Okay, fine. Then tell me what you want."

That stopped me cold. "What?" I whispered.

"What do you want, Ella? Right now, from me."

I froze, my heart went wild. Words clogged in my throat. He waited.

I opened my mouth and closed it again. His eyes softened, barely, and he shook his head with a small frustrated sigh. "That's what I thought."

He stepped back, finally putting real distance between us. The space felt too big and too fast.

"I'm done pushing for tonight," he said quietly. "But we're not finished."

My pulse jumped. "What does that mean?"

"You know exactly what it means."

He walked to the door placing his hand on the knob. Before he left, he glanced over his shoulder, voice rougher than before.

"And Ella? Don't go anywhere alone with Jake. I'm serious."

I rolled my eyes. "You can't keep......"

"You don't know him," he cut in. "I do."

"Still not jealous?" I asked.

He smirked. "I didn't say that."

He slipped out and closed the door behind him, leaving me standing alone in the middle of my room, heart racing, brain spiraling, entire life tilting in a direction I wasn't remotely prepared for.

And all I could think was: If this is how he acts now, what happens when he stops holding back?