If I Can't Make You Stay

"You made chicken soup? Don't drink it yet. Rita's weak—she could use something nourishing."

The bowl paused in my hands. I stared at him, stunned.

"Clarice made this for me."

Quentin acted as though he hadn't heard a word. He rummaged through the cabinet, taking out a lunch box.

"I know your constitution. Chicken soup won't change anything for you. Let Rita have it this time. Next time, I'll take you to a restaurant."

Those familiar words dragged me straight back into the past.

"Cammy, I'm giving this batch to Rita first. When my allowance comes in next month, I'll make new ones for you.

"Cammy, skip the gala tonight. Give your spot to Rita. Next time the art troupe performs, I'll bring you.

"Cammy, Rita wants to meet my friends. Don't come to the gathering this time—next time, I'll take you.

"Cammy…"

So many "next times" that I'd long since lost count.

While I stood frozen, he filled the lunch box with the soup and offered a perfunctory farewell.

"I'm heading out. Take care of yourself."

He turned to leave, but the hem of his coat brushed the bowl on the table.

Clatter!

The bowl hit the floor, shattering—just like something inside me.

"Quentin."

I stopped him and pulled the glass bottle from my pocket, the one holding ninety-nine soybeans.

"Ninety-nine. Count them."

His movements stilled. He turned back to me, stunned.

"Already?"

I nodded. "Yes."

He set down what he was holding, looking troubled.

I didn't speak. I just waited for his response.

As I expected, he hesitated only briefly before saying, "Cammy… Rita can't be left alone right now…"

Guilt flashed in his eyes, but he still finished the sentence. "Our agreement… let's void it."

I lowered my gaze and sighed. "All right."

He froze, surprised that I gave in so easily. Then he pulled me into a sudden, excited embrace.

"Cammy, you're so understanding. Don't worry. Once Rita's condition stabilizes, I'll make it up to you. I promise I'll be there."

I murmured in acknowledgment, then told him the only thing I wanted. "The baby is almost due. I want a locket for the baby."

At the mention of the child, his expression softened even more.

"Alright. When I get back, I'll go to the checkup with you. We'll buy our baby the best, most beautiful locket."

My pupils trembled. The pain of losing my baby surged up again.

"Okay."

But my baby would never see it.

After he left, I stood and opened the drawer, pulling out the stack of medical records I'd arranged so neatly.

The first pregnancy confirmation.

The first prenatal exam.

The first prescription for medication to protect the baby…

On every night he wasn't home, I would take them out and read them again and again. They held the excitement of becoming a mother, and the quiet hope of a wife building a family.

But now…

I took the miscarriage report from my pocket—hands trembling—and placed it with the rest.

Tears fell, soaking the paper, like a final farewell.

I inhaled deeply and was about to close the drawer when I suddenly heard his voice behind me.

"What are you doing?"

Startled, I slammed the drawer shut and wiped the tears from my eyes.

Quentin walked toward me, his gaze fixed on the drawer.

"You're back already?"

I pressed myself against the cabinet, trying to shift the subject.

He approached, raising his hand—not toward the drawer, but toward my face.

"You've been crying?"

He stared at the moisture on his fingers, stunned and unsure what to do.

I forced a small smile and said casually, "Pregnant women get emotional. It'll pass in a moment."

Quentin let out a breath of relief.

"Good. I forgot to ask—what kind of locket do you want? How about a star-shaped one? Supplies are tight these days; simpler designs are better."

I froze, surprised he cared enough to ask. If only he had cared this much before.

"Sure," I said softly. "Whatever you decide."

He nodded, reassured, and headed for the door. But just before he stepped out, he turned again.

"You're really okay?"

I parted my lips. Suddenly, a thin thread of hope rose inside me.

"If I weren't okay… would you stay with me?"

He paused—only for a heartbeat—then smiled.

"Cammy, don't be ridiculous. Rita's still waiting for me at the hospital. Go to bed early. I'm leaving."

The door closed. And I finally broke.

I cried for choosing the wrong man.

I cried for how foolish I was—still holding out hope for someone who had already shown me the ending.

I cried because, deep down, I had known the truth all along.

That night, I packed every last one of my belongings. The divorce paperwork hadn't come through yet. But I was exhausted. Completely and utterly drained.

Before bed, I emptied the bottle of soybeans and soaked them overnight.

The next morning, as I ate the mushy beans, a message from Quentin arrived.

He had someone tell me the baby's locket was ready. I could pick it up at the hospital.

When I arrived, I went straight to Rita's ward. He wasn't there—probably out getting food.

Rita smiled brightly.

"Cammy, are you looking for Quentin? Do you need something from him?"

I tugged at the corner of my lips, keeping my voice even.

"I'm here for the baby's locket. Do you know where he put it?"

She let out a little melodramatic "ah," then lifted her foot from under the blanket. Around her ankle was a string. Dangling from it was a delicate locket.

It was the locket Quentin had promised me. A simple star-shaped locket.

"You mean this one?" she asked sweetly. "Quentin gave it to me as an anklet. Pretty, isn't it?"

Her smug smile blurred at the edges as my vision wavered.

My baby was gone.

My husband didn't love me.

All I wanted was a locket. Just a small blessing I could bury with my baby who never had the chance to be born…

Just that. Only that…

I didn't know how I made it out of the hospital. By the time I reached home, my voice had been cried hoarse—I couldn't make a sound.

Inside, I took out a sheet of stationery and wrote down everything I hadn't finished yet. Tasks I hoped Quentin would complete for me… for the sake of our marriage, if nothing else.

After checking again and again that I hadn't missed anything, I picked up my luggage and left the compound.

A guard, just ending his shift, hurried over and offered to carry my bags.

I refused.

The rest of this road—I wanted to walk on my own.

Meanwhile, Quentin returned to the ward with lunch boxes in hand.

"Rita, did Cammy stop by while I was gone?"

She smiled and pulled her foot back under the blanket.

"No, no one came."

He nodded and opened the lunch box.

"Let's eat. Did you put the locket away safely for me? I'll bring it to Cammy when I go home this afternoon."

She hummed in reply and took the food.

A sudden knock sounded.

A nurse stepped inside.

"Which one of you is family to Cammy Mason? She forgot to take her post-miscarriage medication."